Set the Tone: Showing Up As a Role Model in Your Life

Most of us underestimate how much impact we have on other people.

We go about our day thinking we’re just doing life—showing up to work, handling errands, taking care of responsibilities. And yet, all the while, someone’s watching. Listening. Picking up cues. Taking something from how we carry ourselves—maybe even something they’ll carry with them for years.

That’s what it means to set the tone.

It’s not about being perfect.

It’s not about performing.

It’s about being present with who you are, and choosing to live in alignment with your values.

When I say “set the tone,” I’m talking about something very specific. It means we have the ability to influence the energy in a room—sometimes with nothing more than how we walk into it. It means we can be the one who stays calm when things feel out of control. We can be the one who listens instead of reacting. The one who offers encouragement instead of piling on judgment. The one who helps settle the chaos by how we carry ourselves through it.

We all have this capacity. But we forget.

We think showing up “as a role model” means having it all together. Or having all the answers. But it doesn’t. It just means we’re paying attention to the example we’re setting—because whether we like it or not, we’re always setting one.

I’ve seen this play out a few times over the years. Usually it comes from a teenager who was around long enough to notice something I said or did—and a few years later, they’ll circle back and mention it. Sometimes they’ll say it changed how they saw something in their life. And I’m usually surprised, because I wasn’t trying to be anything other than myself in those moments.

It’s humbling. Because it reminds me that we can all be positive role models—or negative ones. The choice isn’t whether we’re affecting other people. The choice is how.

I’ll never forget a moment at a kids camp down at Tybee Island. I was helping take care of a group of boys—just making sure they stayed safe and had a good time. It was fun, chaotic, noisy, the usual camp stuff.

One day I walked into the big kitchen to fill up my water bottle. Miss Barbara was there, working in the back. She was supposed to be off that day, but she had stepped in because other staff didn’t show up. I said a quick hello, just being polite, and I could feel that something else was going on under the surface. She was smiling, but something in me knew there was more going on.

As I turned to leave, I stopped.

I turned around and said, “You need a hug.”

And I gave her one.

That’s it. Nothing scripted. Just a simple, human moment.

She broke down crying. She opened up about everything that had been weighing on her—things I won’t share here, because that’s not mine to tell. But something shifted in that kitchen. Later that week, Miss Barbara pulled my boys aside and said, “You pay attention to the men around you. The ones who care. You watch how they carry themselves and treat people, and you learn from that.”

That stayed with me. I still have a photo with Miss Barbara from that week.

The point is, we don’t choose to be seen—we just are.

So why not let that awareness guide how we move through the world?

You don’t have to be loud. You don’t have to be a leader in title. You just have to be someone who’s paying attention—to yourself, and to the people around you. We set the tone when we choose patience over pride, kindness over coolness, presence over performance.

So wherever you’re headed today—whether it’s work, home, the grocery store, the gym—just remember:

You’re setting the tone.

Someone is watching.

Someone is learning.

And how you show up might just give them a better way forward.